Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
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My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
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I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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