8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
