So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
