I cannot find my penis.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize