One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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