The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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