we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
