Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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