He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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