An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
