dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wish i was in the wii world.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
