i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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