There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Less talking, more tequila
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
