i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
