apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
