I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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