I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
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He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
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My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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