I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
