Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
