I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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