can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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