Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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