woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
