U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
God, I missed his penis.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
