I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
there was a trapeze. enough said
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
