Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize