I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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