I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
