My nipple is on Facebook.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
