I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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