Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
