Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
