A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
