You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
