Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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