I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
