Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
