I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
