I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
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Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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