Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
