oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
