yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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