I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
