I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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