Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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