Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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