yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
