I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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