she woke up with a sticky ear
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
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The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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