i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
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dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
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Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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