I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She tied me up with her honor cords...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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