it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
