There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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