Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
