So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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