i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize