I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
