Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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