they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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